Shadowrun: Chummers In Low Places
From your lovable friends at the Ares Arms 'Juniorz!' division, introducing Baby's First Assault Cannon! Compatible with Miracle Shooter and many other modern AR games, BFAC provides weeks of mindless entertainment! The perfect gift for your ork or troll nephew! Comes in black, chrome, jungle camo, and blood-spattered red! And for real-world play, it fires AR slugs and comes with an embedded security chip broadcasting to any nearby police units that the BFAC is just a legal toy! Safety guaranteed!
"Ares Arms disclaims all responsibility for critical device malfunction, blunt force trauma, or enabling/encouraging civil disorder and a life of crime. By purchasing the BFAC you hereby indemnify the Ares Arms 'Juniorz' division against all liability for injury resulting from failure of the failsafe security chip and any resulting police brutality. Safety is not actually guaranteed. If you are weak of heart or take any medication, please consult your doctor before using the—"
"I take my Vyt-a-minz Supplement for Women (by VytaMix a Shiawase owned subsidiary) daily. They keep me buff and trim. Not only do you get 100% of the daily allowance of 17 major vitamins and minerals, they also include enough caffeine to equal 5 cups of coffee. So you get both a pep in your step as well as that racing pulse feeling to get you out the door in a flash."
"Is the manly formula for men called Vyt-a-MANS?"
Thank you for contacting the VytaMix customer support team. We appreciate your interest in our Vyt-a-minzTM line of products.
Your suggestion for Vyt-a-MANS as a product name is one that our Marketing team had yet to consider. Please be advised that our legal team has since copywrited and trademarked the "Vyta-a-MANS" name and it is now the sole property of VytaMix. You are immediately ordered to cease the use or reference of "Vyta-a-MANS" unless directly related to the "Vyt-a-" product family.
We at Shiawase appreciate your support and understanding of these legal claims. As an expression of your support, we are sending you one case (representing no acknowledgement of authorship, ownership or compensation) of "Vyt-a-MANS" brand health supplements, upon availability to the open market.
Your post to the universally open and accessible Matrix is assumed to create an existing relationship. VytaMix and Shiawase Corp have added you to our customer database and will notify you of the shipment date, to be determined in the future.
Rest assured, we know who you are and where to find you, so your shipment will arrive at the correct location.
Thank you for being a loyal customer. We look forward to seeing you soon.
VytaMix Customer Service